my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
