This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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