Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
