my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
