Just cropdusted the office
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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