oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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