I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
