Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
