I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
