I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
