I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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