YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't turn off my feet"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize