Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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