It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
As shirtless as possible
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
