There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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