your parents love me but you hate me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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