We won't sleep together?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
