walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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