I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
