i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
