I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
