Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
