I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
