I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
