You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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