You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize