just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
