my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
