She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my shit smells like andre
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
