He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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