I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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