man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
