I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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