i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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