I want to have your abortion
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
