For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
