Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
