Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
