they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
