I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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