New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
