When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
