hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize