we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
