Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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