Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
