i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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