There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
