Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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