you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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