sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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