i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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