Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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