matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
