Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize