Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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