my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
