This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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