if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
