she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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