Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
