on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We are two peas in an std pod
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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