He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize