I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Small penises have feelings too.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
