Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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