sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
