Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
