I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
