someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
