I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
