It's just like the Real World with babies
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize