had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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