ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
