Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
