Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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