its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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