i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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