what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
