The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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