if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
