Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
