i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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