Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
