i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
