nut hugger
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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