mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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