Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
