hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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