bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
