in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
