some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
