Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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