I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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