Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
