You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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